chapter eleven

Two hundred yards ahead was a large white building which gave the impression of being a very expensive beach hotel. In front of it, surrounded by evenly-spaced palm trees, was a large swimming pool. The hotel had five storeys; each one was stepped further back than the one below it, so that the roof of one provided a balcony for the one above. Behind the building were four tennis courts and a small golf course. Two catamarans lay on the sand, their multi‑coloured sails flapping languidly in the slight breeze. Beyond the hotel, the golden beach and rich, green forest continued as far as the eye could see. A tall, well-built man wearing a dark suit and tie was striding purposefully towards them. His shiny black shoes seemed out of place as, with each step, they sank into the yellow sand.

Andrew turned around and faced out to sea to hide his conversation from the approaching man.

"We've got to talk our way into that hotel," he whispered to the bird.

"Why?" asked the parrot cocking his head to one side.

"Because it's just what we need, a nice comfortable place to unwind and review our predicament. I bet the food is great, I could do a spot of sailing and you could teach yourself how to fly. Who knows, there may be a few unattached women looking for a holiday romance. After all that we've been through, we deserve it," said Andrew with mounting enthusiasm.

"It's going to be tricky without any money," said Fred not too convinced about the merits of the plan.

"Hmmm," said Andrew frowning thoughtfully. "Wait ... I've got it! We can say we were robbed on the way to the hotel, and the bank will be sending out more funds in a few days. As long as we pretend to be stinking rich they might fall for it."

"They might," said Fred dubiously, "or they might just tell us to go away until we've come up with something more original."

"We've got to act rich, mega‑rich. We have to make them believe that when the money comes through we are going to be very, very generous with it."

"I have two questions; One, doesn't this strike you as being rather immoral? And two, how does a parrot act mega‑rich?"

"Well yes, but we are desperate men, or at least a desperate man and a desperate bird, forced to use desperate measures, we can't let a little thing like morality stand in our way - not at a time like this. But you're right about the second bit. I'll act the millionaire and you try to act like a parrot."

"Ah there you are, Sir," said a voice from behind them, "Sir's somewhat late arrival was causing considerable anxiety."

Andrew jumped, involuntarily. He tried to rearrange his expression from one of guilt to something more suited to a rich person who had just been robbed, and turned around.

"Brian!" Andrew exclaimed, all thoughts of his plan were swept away by the sudden shock of recognition, "I'm so glad you're all right."

"I'm afraid that Sir is mistaking me for someone else, my name," said the man almost apologetically, "is Graham."

"Brian, don't be like that, look I'm sorry I didn't sleep with you but I wasn't really Gay, and those things the doctor ... ," Andrew became painfully aware, by the expression on the man's face, that the man didn't have any idea what Andrew was talking about. "Yes ... um ... sorry about that Graham, you're the spitting image of someone I used to know, and what with the trauma of being robbed I ... sorry."

"Robbed Sir?" said Graham allowing only the merest hint of doubt to ruffle his brow, "I was given to understand that Sir would not be encumbered with items of any monetary value."

"Well not any more I was er ... "

"Perhaps," interrupted Graham, "Sir will feel better after a short rest in Sir's room."

"My room? Yes of course my room. I'm sure I'll feel much better after a rest. I've had a dreadful trip, you know," said Andrew struggling to maintain the credibility of his story.

"Might I suggest that I go on ahead and prepare Sir a drink?"

"Splendid idea Graham, a gin and tonic would be perfect."

"Very good Sir," said Graham who then turned and strode back towards the hotel.

"What did you make of that?" asked Andrew.

"It was definitely Brian, you were expected, and your ability to construct and maintain a lie is second to everyone."

"Well I was flustered, how was I to know I already had a room?"

"Hello ... who's this?" said Fred tilting his head.

A short, tubby man was meandering his way across the sand towards them, he wore a cream-coloured suit with a white open necked shirt and white shoes. His jacket and trousers were too big and the excess material flapped behind him as he walked. His hair was thick and brown, he had large bushy eyebrows which met above his fleshy nose. He seemed to be deliberately not looking at Andrew, and spent most of his time gazing at his feet. He was three yards away when he stopped and looked up, apparently surprised by Andrew's presence. "Oh hello," he said smiling. "Beautiful day."

"Yes, it is," replied Andrew looking up at the sky, as if to make sure that it still was.

"Nice parrot you've got there," said the man and then added in a high pitched voice directed at Fred, "who's a pretty boy then?"

Fred jumped up and down in agitation.

"Doesn't talk then?" asked the man.

"Quite a lot actually, but he's shy with strangers."

"Well we can soon fix that," said the man holding out his hand, "my name is Henry."

Andrew took the proffered hand and shook it, "Andrew," he said.

"Staying in the hotel?" chatted the man.

"Yes," said Andrew thinking of his gin and tonic.

"I thought so, I could tell you were a man of discerning taste, a man who recognizes and enjoys the finer things in life. Would I be right in supposing that you are the kind of man that would be interested in, shall we say, some of the more exotic pleasures of life - if you know what I mean?"

Andrew didn't, but was unwilling to admit his naivete. "Um well yes, I think you could say that," he said uncertainly.

"Of course you are, it just so happens that I work for a company which is able to supply almost anything you require." Henry produced a card from his top pocket. "Just call this number, any time, I'll be there to provide whatever you need. And believe me when it comes to ecstasy - we know our stuff."

Andrew took the card and put it in his pocket. "Thanks."

"Well I must be off, nice to meet you ... don't forget; whatever you want we've got it in spades." Henry turned and walked off down the beach, away from the hotel.

"Exotic pleasures eh?" muttered Andrew to himself, smiling as he ran through the possibilities. In high spirits he hobbled towards the hotel.

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